Saturday, November 25, 2006

Signs a Woman should call it a night :

I believe that dancing with my arms overhead and wiggling my butt while yelling WOO-HOO is truly the sexiest dance move around.
I have absolutely no idea where my purse is.
I've suddenly decided I want to kick someone's ass, and honestly believe I could do it too.
In my last trip to pee I realize I now look more like Tammy Faye Baker than the goddess I was just four hours ago.
I drop my 3:00 a.m. burrito on the floor (which I'm eating even though I'm not the least bit hungry), pick it up and carry on eating it.
I start crying and telling everyone I see that I love them sooooo much.
There are less than three hours before I'm due to start work.
I've found a deeper spiritual side to the dork sitting next to me.
The urge to take off articles of clothing, stand on a table and sing or dance becomes strangely overwhelming.
My eyes just don't seem to want to stay open on their own so I keep them half closed and think it looks exotically sexy.
I've suddenly taken up smoking and become really good at it.
I yell at the bartender, who (I think) cheated me by giving me just lemonade, but that's just because I can no longer taste the gin.
I think I'm in bed, but my pillow feels strangely like the kitchen floor.
I start every conversation with a booming, " DON'T take this the WRONG WAY but..."
I fail to notice that the toilet lid's down when I sit on it.
My hugs begin to resemble wrestling take-down moves.
I'm tired so I just sit on the floor (wherever I happen to be standing) and take a quick nap.
I begin leaving the buttons open on my button fly pants to cut down on the time I'm in the bathroom away from my drink.
I take my shoes off because I believe it's their fault that I'm having problems walking straight.