Thursday, January 18, 2007

Memo To Iraq Study Group:

Herman Munster Still Available:The Iraq Study Group (ISG), a bi-partisan collection of wise men led by former Secretary of State James Baker, III and former congressman Lee Hamilton, is expected to release its recommendations for addressing the situation in Iraq soon. Possible ISG suggestions have already been leaked to the press and they include dividing the country into separate states; implementing a phased U.S. troop withdrawal; and encouraging regional diplomatic talks with Syria and Iran. One idea not yet adopted by the august panel dates back to a previous quagmire: Vietnam. In the early stages of U.S. involvement in that war, the brilliant statesman and baseball figure Leo Durocher suggested that fictional sitcom character Herman Munster might be sent overseas to help out our armed forces (rather than be signed to the Dodgers). The clear implication of Mr. Durocher’s bold, selfless rhetoric was that Mr. Munster was the next best thing to nuclear weapons to affect a speedy victory in Southeast Asia. Sadly, the Dodgers coach's humble musings fell on deaf ears and the war lasted another ten years. But a good idea is a good idea and CONELRAD urges the ISG to take nothing off the table before its formal report is issued to the Executive Branch. Indeed, let President Bush decide whether to draft Herman Munster to clean up the mess in the Middle East. Mr. Munster may be fictional and 192-years-old, but he would do anything to help his country