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Tuesday, January 09, 2007

Coffee House Madness




The normally relaxed atmosphere of coffeehouses across the country has turned into a seething den of madness as patrons increase by the hundreds.Photo: Reaction to news of coffee shortage
Fueled by the lack of employment and economic stress, people are flocking to local coffeehouses in search of some sort of relief that can usually be found at these normally quiet, comfortable establishments. Instead they are finding long lines, exhausted employees and nothing left but decaf. At Right -> The normally relaxed atmosphere of coffeehouses across the country has turned into a seething den of madness as patrons increase by the hundreds.Photo: Reaction to news of coffee shortage
Fueled by the lack of employment and economic stress, people are flocking to local coffeehouses in search of some sort of relief that can usually be found at these normally quiet, comfortable establishments. Instead they are finding long lines, exhausted employees and nothing left but decaf. At Right ->A customer was furious that her hot tea was made with tap water
A spokesperson for Instant Coffee, the largest coffeehouse chain in the country, says that the sudden demand caught them off guard and they are doing everything possible to improve service including hiring additional employees and spiking their decaf coffee with amphetamines until the regular caffeinated coffee arrives at stores. <- At Left: Overcrowded coffee shops are filled with anxious job seekers
But this hasn’t solved the current problem of unruly patrons demanding triple lactose-free twice-dripped soy-mocha lattes which can take an employee up to 45 minutes to prepare. “And if it’s not perfect or too hot, they throw it in your face,” says one worker who recently quit as a result of third-degree burns. He says that once he’s healed he plans to work in a diner where the only coffee they serve is black.

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