Monday, October 16, 2006

More Uses For P-Nut Butter

PLEASE Don't try these at home or anywhere else for that matter!!

Give your cat a bath in it. This is also a form of torture.
Fire it out of a sawed-off shotgun.
Spread it on celery sticks.
Use it to feed the fish.
New diet: nothing but peanut butter 5 days a week. The other two days you are also allowed water.
Hide it in your sock to keep it from getting stolen.
If you are a doctor, prescribe it to your patients regularly.
If you have tight clothing such as stretch pants use it as a lubricant to help get them on.
Stir in some Napalm and feed it to Barney.
New Olympic Event: PB Swimming.
Suggest it (as a type of shield) to the makers of Scorched Earth.
Give it to druggies to help combat withdrawal.
Put it between the pages of library books you hate.
Take it on Safari instead of water because it doesn't evaporate as fast.
If you forget your kneaded eraser for Intro to drawing class just take that "just in case" Peanut Butter out of your duffel and play with THAT instead of paying attention.
Fill your punching bag with it. Pressurize for added effect. Box with spiked knuckles.
Use it as "heavy" ammo for your Super Soaker 11000.