Cat Burglar Caught While Cat-napping HOOT!

Mark Smith proved he was as dense as a rainforest when he fell sound asleep under his victim's bed.
He had crept past Heather Stephenson while she was ironing.
He rifled gems from a jewellery box and helped himself to a cheque book, but the vodka and valium he had already downed that morning was taking its toll.
And when stunned Mrs Stephenson came upstairs, she found Smith fast asleep under her bed.

Staff at a German butcher’s shop were shocked to discover a customer had hidden two sex toys in their “Schwartenmagen” sausages for transport to Dubai, police said on Wednesday. Officers discovered the man, who was about 50, had removed some of the meat and packed the dildos inside.
And you thought Kinder Eggs were the only treats with hidden goodies inside!

Remember the cat with this frog on it's head?
Looks like time for pet revenge!

Food makers in Japan came up with a new product that will surely create a buzz in the marketplace: the jibachi senbei, or the digger wasp rice cracker.
Wasp hunters from the village, who are mostly in their 80’s, catch them in nearby forests.
They are then boiled in water, dried and sprinkled over the cracker mix, which is then stamped by hot iron cracker cutters.
A bag of 20 crackers costs £1.60, but output is limited as the wasps are caught in the wild for optimum flavour.
Yum! Link

In this busy world of ours, take the time

to smell the flowers:)

"Love will find you, even if you are trying to hide from it. I've been trying to hide from it since I was five, but the girls keep finding me." (Bobby, age 8)

Been spending the summer

teaching "Trixie" to swim with fins on~

Your Superpower Should Be Mind Reading

You are brilliant, insightful, and intuitive.You understand people better than they would like to be understood.Highly sensitive, you are good at putting together seemingly irrelevant details.You figure out what's going on before anyone knows that anything is going on! Why you would be a good superhero: You don't care what people think, and you'd do whatever needed to be done Your biggest problem as a superhero: Feeling even more isolated than you do now

What Should Your Superpower Be?

The copycat effect even affects celebrity families. Learned behavior and the modeling power of the copycat effect may be a stronger link than even biological predeterminism.
Ernest Hemingway:
The so-called “Hemingway Curse” is one such example. Pulitzer Prize and Nobel Prize winner Ernest Hemingway wrote literary masterpieces. His father and two siblings died by suicide, and the rumors of a Hemingway Curse has become an urban legend.
One allegorical story is told of Hemingway’s mother baking a cake for him on his 21st birthday, and putting the gun his father used to kill himself in the middle of the cake. [link]

Magazine Editors Remove Model's Belly Button

Brazilian Playboy editors took retouching too far when they removed a model's belly button. The magazine went to print unnoticed and sold 605,000 copies. [via]

Sullen

How does one say goodbye when
it's not time to go?How does one just stop the feeling when tears begin to flow?How does one keep going on though life seems at an end?It will pass others say, there's happiness round the bend.Seems many lifetimes she has waited for the pain to leave, and still there is this burning mere mortals can't conceive. What may befall on others, seems to pass her by. When will it be her turn when she won't need to cry?
Pity not this foolish girl this is the path she chose. Hearbreak was the shortest route the other path was froze.Will she feel warmth again? Will she feel the sun? Will she feel a loved one's arms when the day is done?Will a fragrance smell as sweet as it did before the day, this foolish girl took a special love and threw it all away.
Is there an answer some where close will she have to search? Will she find true happiness or is this some cruel curse?Will she learn her lesson or fall way back behind? It's when there's so much waiting the thoughts stay in her mind.Once the spirit's broken I am not so sure it will heal.

Love,oh love come back to me,

I have the need to feel. 06/08/07 ~~alilbit~ (c)

Traffic has become increasingly congested and tempers flare as slower drivers occupy what has been historically referred to as the 'fast lane.' It's time to get that Left Lane back!It is our considered opinion that not only will traffic move more smoothly and more quickly once the Left Lane is used in the way it has been designed but also headaches, frustration, bad tempers and road rage will all be greatly reduced when this pressure valve is released. It's time to reduce this unnecessary stress.It's time that... Left Lane Drivers Unite!

Paris Hilton has to serve the rest of her sentence as a dog. Yup she is da Bitch now.

Next time you are washing your hands and complain because the water temperature isn't just how you like it, think about how things used to be. Here are some facts about the 1500s. Most people got married in June because they took their yearly bath in May and still smelled pretty good by June. However, they were starting to smell, so brides carried a bouquet of flowers to hide the body odor.There is no evidence that June was a popular month to get married until the last 100 years. Flowers have been associated with weddings since the earliest times, probably as symbol of fertility. Baths consisted of a big tub filled with hot water. The man of the house had the privilege of the nice clean water, then all the other sons and men, then the women and finally the children — last of all the babies. By then the water was so dirty you could actually lose someone in it — hence the saying, "Don't throw the baby out with the bath water." This explanation makes no sense when you consider the expression and its meaning. Additionally bathing was so rare that there were no bathing tubs.

Friday Fun Games

Shuffle
BlobularTrapshoot 2
Zombieland
Keep Your Pig in the Air with Fart Power
World Map Quiz (via)
Fruit Twirls

~~Making a Run for The Outhouse Ha Ha~

The first dog pulled device which places the dog behind a steering wheel. Thus giving the rider precision steering control of the dog.Therefore easy to ride, safe and appropriate for the urban environment. Making the dog mushing accessible to every breed, age of rider, location, and season.

1,683 Guitarists Play 'Smoke On Water'
More than 1,680 guitar players turned out, tuned up and took part in what organizers say was a world record rendition of Deep Purple's "Smoke on the Water" — a song that was the first many of them ever learned.
Some came from as far away as California and Germany on Sunday to take part in a Kansas City radio station's effort to break a Guinness world record for the most people playing the same song simultaneously. The record had been 1,323 people playing the same song in Vancouver, British Columbia, in 1994. Link

~~Things Dogs Should Remember~~

I will not play tug-of-war with Dad's underwear when he's on the toilet.

The garbage collector is NOT stealing our stuff.

I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm lying under the coffee table.

I will not roll my toys behind the fridge.

I must shake the rainwater out of my fur BEFORE entering the house.

I will not eat the cats' food, before or after they eat it.

I will stop trying to find the few remaining pieces of clean carpet in the house when I am about to throw up.

~~Things Cats Should Remember~~

I must perfect a death stare to give my human every time I am disturbed.

If I vomit on the carpet after overeating yet again I must stand up and walk away without the slightest hint of a care.

I should not assume the patio door is open when I race outside to chase leaves.

If I put a live mouse in my food bowl, I should not expect it to stay there until I get hungry.

The guinea pig likes to sleep once in a while. I will not watch him constantly.

If I bite the cactus, it will bite back.

I will not stand on the bathroom counter, stare down the hall, and growl at nothing (especially right after my human has finished watching "The X-Files").

It takes a minute to have a crush on someone, an hour to like someone and a day to love someone but it takes a lifetime to forget someone.

No one has ever loved anyone the way everyone wants to be loved.

How to Detect Lies
Eye Movement and Direction and How it Can Reveal the Truth or a Lie.Guaranteed to work.

Fun Games Friday

The Crossing

Lucky Coins

Pac Adventure

Mow The Lawn

Drunken Shooter

Crazy Mammoths. Click on the little pic to begin.

JugglerHang Stan (via)Starling Golf

The Impossible Quiz

The Big Album Cover Quiz.

What happens after we collect the underpants?
Any resemblence between Kenny and the Unilever Brand Key are purely coincidental.
A friend reminded me this weekend me of a clip from South Park in which the underpant gnomes are stealing all the underpants from the town. This is stage one in a three stage plan in which the third stage is to make a huge amount of profit. The problem is that there is no stage two.
How redolent of the vast majority of advertising campaigns.
Continue reading "What happens after we collect the underpants?"

Irritate The Neighbors

Re-paint their house for them. . . in plaid.



Run around naked in their front yard singing "Born Free"

Throw waterbombs at their house, water bombs filled with INK!!

Bake them an apple pie and send it to them, without telling them the 2 secret ingredients inside - spicy seasonings and laxatives

Borrow a cup of milk 3 times a day

Buy 6 blocks of bottle rockets and fire them off.....on Christmas Eve...at 12:00

Call them and ask them if their refrigerator is running every night @8:13p.m.

Dress in drag and do a hula on their front lawn

Dye the fur on all of their pets lime green

Have teenage boys with loud car stereos drive by their house at 2 AM.

Have your rock & roll band practice at night

Hotwire their bird bath.

Install a heliport in the backyard

Invite your friends over to howl at the full moon.

Lost In Translation

Acapulco hotel sign: The manager has personally passed all the water served here.
Athens Hotel: Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the hours of 9 and 11 daily.
Athens, Greece hotel: Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the hours of 9 and 11 A.M. daily.
Austrian hotel catering to skiers: Not to perambulate the corridors in the hours of repose in the boots of ascension.
Bangkok dry cleaners: Drop your trousers here for best results.
Bangkok temple: It is forbidden to enter a woman even a foreigner if dressed as a man.

Show Your Talent

Drawing board by LayoutCodez.net

In the presence of an angel everything is beautiful.

"I seldom think about my limitations, and they never make me sad. Perhaps there is just a touch of yearning at times; but it is vague, like a breeze among flowers."--Helen Keller

Monopoly Facts
Monopoly was invented by Charles B. Darrow during the Depression in the 1934 and at first it was rejected by Parker Brothers due to "52 design errors"! Streets in Monopoly are taken from Atlantic City, New Jersey. Game was very popular in Cuba until Fidel Castro took power and burned all the Monopoly sets. Standard Monopoly bank starts with $15,140 and it is estimated that Monopoly has been sold 250 million times through out the world.

~~Dating Tips For The Small Fry~~

WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE?Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to knoweach other. Even boys have something to say if you listen longenough.– Lynnette, age 8
On the first date, they just tell each other lies and that usuallygets them interested enough to go for a second date.– Martin, age 10
WHAT WOULD YOU DO ON A FIRST DATE THAT WAS TURNING SOUR?I’d run home and play dead. The next day I would call all thenewspapers and make sure they wrote about me in all the deadcolumns.– Craig, age 9
WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?When they’re rich.– Pam, age 7The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn’t want to messwith that.- - Curt, age 7
The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you should marrythem and have kids with them. It’s the right thing to do.– Howard, age 8

End of April

~Phillis Levin~
Under a cherry tree I found a robin’s egg,broken, but not shattered.
I had been thinking of you,and was kneeling in the grass among fallen blossoms
when I saw it: a blue scrap,a delicate toy, as light as confetti
It didn’t seem real,but nature will do such things from time to time.
I looked inside:it was glistening, hollow,a perfect shell
except for the missing crown,which made it possible to look inside.
What had been there is gone now and lives in my heart
where, periodically,it opens up its wings,tearing me apart.

Rambimbo.No wonder she looks unhappy--That ammo belt has got to chafe like a bear.I thought this was the only Big Gun picture I'd ever see with no phallic overtones until I noticed the positioning of the grenades.I don't know what scent it is, but judging from the burning Vietnamese village in the background, it's probably "Napalm in the Morning."

I'd Love To Be A Fairy's Child

Children born of fairy stock

Never need for shirt or frock,

Never want for food or fire,

Always get their heart's desire:

Jingle pockets full of gold,

Marry when they're seven years old.

Every fairy child may keep

Two strong ponies and ten sheep;

All have houses, each his own,

Built of brick or granite stone;

They live on cherries, they run wild --

I'd love to be a fairy's child.

ROBERT GRAVES

Onto the sea I sailed my boat

And prayed that it Would stay afloat

From dawn til dusk,From dusk til dawn,

In search of love I drifted on

What happened then,I don't recall

I think it was A sudden squall

For when I awoke ,I thought I died

At the sight of an angel At my side

But lucky for me,That was not true,

For I found love,And love was you.

- Britney Brundage -

The gene pool could use a little chlorine.

- liquid webtoy.~~A time waster~~Check it out.

What's all this about wanting Peas on Earth all the time?
What's wrong with corn, or carrots?

Why don't we ever wish for "World Broccoli!"?
Or ask our children for a little "Cucumbersand Quiet!"?
Why is it, when we're troubled, we never pray for "Inner Apricots"?
How did this incredible obsession with vegetables, ever begin?
It might just be, however: that if everybody gardened;

they'd all get along better with most of their neighbors.

Someone you will always love, will hide something so no one but you can find.

He was warned to chew before he swallowed that pretzel.

I would like to do something a little different. I want people to know what the reason was for the topics I pick or what was running through my mind at the time.This cartoon made me smile because it reminded me of those people you see sometimes with the cut out jeans that show their hiney's.I also like the way his hiney is shaped like a perfect heart.

Men who try to pull off being women!

National Women’s History Month’s roots go back to March 8, 1857, when women from New York City factories staged a protest over working conditions. International Women’s Day was first observed in 1909, but it wasn’t until 1981 that Congress established National Women’s History Week during the second week of March. In 1987, Congress expanded the week to a month. Every year since, Congress has passed a resolution for Women’s History Month, and the president has issued a proclamation.
152 million The number of females in the United States as of Nov. 1, 2006. That exceeds the number of males (148 million). <http://www.census.gov/popest/national/asrh/2005_nat_res.html>
As of July 1, 2005, males outnumbered females in every five-year age group through the 35 to 39 age group. Starting with the 40 to 44 age group, women outnumbered men. At 85 and over, there were more than twice as many women as men. <http://www.census.gov/popest/national/asrh/NC-EST2005-sa.html>

Emily Dickinson, whose odd and inventive poems helped to initiate modern poetry, is an enigma, a mystery, a paradox. Only ten of her poems were published in her lifetime. We know of her work only because her sister and two of her long-time friends brought them to public attention after Dickinson died.

There will be many posts with poems,art,crafts,and things I enjoy and love.I also love winged things so they will appear often. Most everything has an optimistic feel to it ~Please relax and enjoy ~

A path winding across the horizon over mountains, across seas ,through blue skies and gray never ceasing, continuous.My love for you.- A.J. Miller -